enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
