I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
