1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
