There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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