when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My life is pants optional.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
