My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
