Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
