Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
