i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
