That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
