I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
