I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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