U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love you. Go after that dick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
