i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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