**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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