There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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