the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
