you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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