Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
