I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
