So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
