I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Two words: blizzard sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
