i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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