i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
