I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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