Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
