Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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