he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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