I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
