Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
