I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
