a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
