All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
