I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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