my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
