Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
