Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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