my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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