so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
