I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
