in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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