she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
