U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
last night I used snow as a chaser
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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