That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
