After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
