This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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