just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
