I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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