She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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