my room smells like sperm. sweet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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