yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
God I need to hump something, right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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