Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
