I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
