So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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