So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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