Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm passing your future prison.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Your penis caused this!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
