Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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