Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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