oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize