this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His nipple licking is glorious
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