Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
