So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
