They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
