Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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